Relationships... a personal experience
Now that’s a very important and interesting topic for almost all of us. To start with, what exactly relationships mean or what they are meant for? Let me inform all of you, my dear friends, I’m no wise man (oops boy!) to answer that! I have just dotted down my experience and what I learned from it.
Very truly said, the grass on the other side always appears to be greener! Very often we find solace to see others in problem. Especially, when we ourselves are caught in some serious problem. Its natural human tendency to feel so. In this article you may find some parts to be boring filled with theoretical and impractical lecture-type-overtones. Please use your own discretion to ignore them. I’m narrating this experience only to make you all feel better about life – believe me IT IS! If not anything else, it’ll surely make you feel good when you learn you are NOT the only one screwed up! :P
Now that’s a very important and interesting topic for almost all of us. To start with, what exactly relationships mean or what they are meant for? Let me inform all of you, my dear friends, I’m no wise man (oops boy!) to answer that! I have just dotted down my experience and what I learned from it.
Very truly said, the grass on the other side always appears to be greener! Very often we find solace to see others in problem. Especially, when we ourselves are caught in some serious problem. Its natural human tendency to feel so. In this article you may find some parts to be boring filled with theoretical and impractical lecture-type-overtones. Please use your own discretion to ignore them. I’m narrating this experience only to make you all feel better about life – believe me IT IS! If not anything else, it’ll surely make you feel good when you learn you are NOT the only one screwed up! :P
So, here I am. My sweet school days are over and awesome college life has expired. To be true it was not the first time that I felt for a girl. School/college was interesting with lovable friends around who taught me change is the key to a happy life (the change philosophy). So to be happy changes were brought about and then I was re-introduced to this girl, and then I suddenly felt how dumb my friends were (about the “change” philosophy :P). It felt as if life could be changed for this gal but not vice-versa. I guess when feelings are true, you don’t need to express them. That’s what exactly happened with me. We never realized how we were in love with each other. But it was an awesome feeling... to love and to be loved.
Pardon me friends as due to company policy I’m not stating the name of the girl :P, but she was and will always be very special and close to me. All started when I was in final year of my college so it was quite a time now. As I got posted in B’lore, I used to call her up regularly and be in touch with her. Send her gifts occasionally and ours was a perfect love story (even Ram Gopal Varma could make a movie out of it :P). Everything was so perfect and I felt so lucky to have her in my life. But then the stupid “change” philosophy of my
“You cannot control what happens to you,
but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you,
and in that, you will be mastering change
rather than allowing it to master you.”
~ Sri Ram
but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you,
and in that, you will be mastering change
rather than allowing it to master you.”
~ Sri Ram
The greatest mistake you can commit in a relationship is to be dependent on the other. We loose our individuality, self-respect and most importantly the love we have for our own self if we get dependent on someone emotionally to such an extent that we feel our world starts and ends with him/her. We fail to understand that love is something that dwells in our heart, our own self. No one can take it away from us by simply deciding not to love us/be with us. There’s the mistake we make. We think it’s the end when the person we love the most leaves us. Sometime back I had stumbled upon a very nice thought-
“Watching you walk away from my life doesn’t make me "cynical" about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted to be with person who never loved me so much, how beautiful it will be when the person who loves me comes along :)”
It’s true, the girl I loved the most at one point of my life, left me. I was very dependent on her and thought life’s nothing without her. Avoided all other friends, didn’t give importance to people who actually cared. That's another common mistake we often make i.e avoid all others and give all importance only to the person we “love”. Well, now is that love? Only to give all your importance to someone? I gave, but what happened. It’s very important to respect, love and give importance to everyone. Long time back I had seen a hindi movie which was based on the thought-
“Love is a part of life... not the heart of life”
How true these lines are, I realize now.
Talking again of dependency, I had to talk to her every single day, and it had become more like a habit. I was so dependent that I would not sleep all night to talk to her. Love should never become one’s weakness. Love's definitely not about losing your individuality and being dependent on the other person. Love cannot be blind as we commonly say. We can’t simply ignore and be indecisive when the question of the person we love comes. Love is being inter-dependent rather than being dependent. It’s like 2 vertical sticks. If one is straight and the other leans on it, both cannot move in the same direction. It has to be like 2 sticks tied together which moves together in the same direction, and also adds to the strength of the sticks being together. We tend to overlook these things and be totally dependent on the other person’s love, forgetting the fact that love is in our own heart. Its like trying to find something outside, which is already present within ourselves. Sounds stupid right? That’s what we always do and shout that we are in love! :P
When “bad” things happen, we have two choices, we can blame and prolong our victim identity, sinking deeper into our victim story, OR, we can choose to see the experience as a gift, an opportunity for personal growth, to expand our self-understanding, to expand our capacity to love ourselves, and to expand our capacity of compassion for others.
The girl I loved so much, left me for someone else – following my friend’s “change” philosophy. The time I spent brooding over her and sympathizing over my so-thought “finished” life was of great importance. I realized some very important truths of life. One more thing I understood was, no relationship is useless/unworthy. A relationship always teaches us something and if not anything else gives us experience from which we can learn a lot. The key to a successful relationship is learning to love our own selves first. I had a friend who tried to commit suicide because of a fight with her boy friend. Now is that love? Is it possible to love someone else if we can’t love our own selves? Definitely NOT!
The moment we learn to love ourselves, we’ll experience an inner peace and happiness that can’t be explained. Now a few tips to attain this “moksha” :P Starting with this famous saying by Buddha :
Talking again of dependency, I had to talk to her every single day, and it had become more like a habit. I was so dependent that I would not sleep all night to talk to her. Love should never become one’s weakness. Love's definitely not about losing your individuality and being dependent on the other person. Love cannot be blind as we commonly say. We can’t simply ignore and be indecisive when the question of the person we love comes. Love is being inter-dependent rather than being dependent. It’s like 2 vertical sticks. If one is straight and the other leans on it, both cannot move in the same direction. It has to be like 2 sticks tied together which moves together in the same direction, and also adds to the strength of the sticks being together. We tend to overlook these things and be totally dependent on the other person’s love, forgetting the fact that love is in our own heart. Its like trying to find something outside, which is already present within ourselves. Sounds stupid right? That’s what we always do and shout that we are in love! :P
When “bad” things happen, we have two choices, we can blame and prolong our victim identity, sinking deeper into our victim story, OR, we can choose to see the experience as a gift, an opportunity for personal growth, to expand our self-understanding, to expand our capacity to love ourselves, and to expand our capacity of compassion for others.
The girl I loved so much, left me for someone else – following my friend’s “change” philosophy. The time I spent brooding over her and sympathizing over my so-thought “finished” life was of great importance. I realized some very important truths of life. One more thing I understood was, no relationship is useless/unworthy. A relationship always teaches us something and if not anything else gives us experience from which we can learn a lot. The key to a successful relationship is learning to love our own selves first. I had a friend who tried to commit suicide because of a fight with her boy friend. Now is that love? Is it possible to love someone else if we can’t love our own selves? Definitely NOT!
The moment we learn to love ourselves, we’ll experience an inner peace and happiness that can’t be explained. Now a few tips to attain this “moksha” :P Starting with this famous saying by Buddha :
The mind is everything. What you think, you become.”
~ Buddha
~ Buddha
- Learn to love yourself
- Take out yourself on a date, wear good clothes, spend money on your self – sounds crazy but it works big time!
- Respect and give yourself space
- Do things you like (for eg. I’m travelling like hell and getting the hell outta my life)
- Never hate anyone
- Feeling (whether love or hatred) are personal assets. If you love someone you feel good. If you hate, you feel bad. No one gives a damn. So don’t ever hate/have ill feelings against someone, especially when the person does not even deserve your feelings. It will only affect you and no-one else
- Give time
- Time heals all, give time to everything
- Life is ONE
- Please understand the fact that life is ONE! For every 1 minute of sadness, you loose 60 seconds of happiness!
I really feel great when I see myself now. The experiences I had and the life I have lived. I know I deserve the BEST, and so do all of you! So dear friends, start living your life...and more importantly start loving yourself!! All the best.
“When it comes to love,
you need not fall but rather surrender,
surrender to the idea that you must love yourself
before you can love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself
before you can absolutely trust another
and most importantly you must accept your flaws
before you can accept the flaws of another.”
you need not fall but rather surrender,
surrender to the idea that you must love yourself
before you can love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself
before you can absolutely trust another
and most importantly you must accept your flaws
before you can accept the flaws of another.”
Luv,
B2
